Grief is a personal journey

Grief is an extremely personal journey. We will all go through it at our own pace. Each time I think of her; the tears well up. I am often on the brink, but they often don’t come now; or can be held back when I try. The sadness now, compared to right after is less of a whole body reaction to despair. Even when the tears do come, they are fewer and don’t linger quite so long.

Each and every person will go through loss very personally. Of course much of it depends on how the loss occurred. The age of the dog, the circumstances surrounding the loss and whether or not it was sudden. That said, loss is loss and everyone moves through it at their own pace.

For me, coming up to the three month mark; the memories are replacing much of the tears. Memories are everything, they are what help us to move on.

Remembering the good times fill the void of absence.

Memories soften the loss as time moves on. “Remeber when?” begins to replace the deep seeded despair of loss. This is the way of it.

After loss, come the steps to be taken so that you can move on. Again this is all very personal and should be done when you are ready. There is the process of letting go of “their stuff.” Bowls, beds, brushes, toys etc. This should only be done when you are ready.

We let go of quite a bit shortly after the loss. Riggs and Elsa slept in a gated area that was set up for her safety. It was right beside our bed and contained three XL orthopedic beds; covered in many blankets. A fan was set up right beside it for her, as she needed constant movement of air for her Laryngeal Paralysis. There were gates in front of the stairs going up and down for her safety. They were removed and given away. Many of the large beds around the house that were set up for her, were given to rescue groups. But it wasn’t everything.

Right now on September 16th, 2026, I’m not ready to let it all go, not just yet. The other day I lingered on the leashes in the back of my suv. The blue and pink entwined with one another. I’d already cleaned the back of my car a month ago and very purposefully returned the pink and blue back to their spot. As I sat and stared at the pink leashes (5’ and 10’); I thought hard about letting them go. Letting them go just means putting them in my dog storage; a step, not a leap. I am clearly not ready to have just blue leashes in my car.

The other item that I’m having a hardtime letting go of is her sling. We had many slings around the house but one was a favorite. I found it the easiest to move her in and it seemed the most secure. It had a lot of miles put on it; as it was the first sling that we got at the neuro specialist where we took her after her spinal stroke. It was the sling that I always reached for. The others are still in the garage; away and waiting to be donated to a rescue. But this one, is still in the basket where I often left it. Baby steps.

Almost three months after our loss; it is easier to wipe the tears away and let the memories in. There are so many memories from almost fifteen years together. From the day she joined our family to the day she left us. Life is forever changed but we are moving on, at our own pace. Riggs is also moving on but I am seeing a huge change in him. This loss had to change him; it was a momunmental life event for him.

We are grieving and moving on together, hand in paw.

The process continues.

Below is the book that I wrote after the loss of my heart boy Luke. A good read for anyone who loves a dog. Available on amazon. Click on photo.

A week in Kauai, a week alone.

First let me say that my heart goes out to all the people on Kauai who have been effected by Hurricane Lowell. I fell in love with Kauai many years ago and this past trip just sealed the deal even harder. What made this trip so very special was that the entire family was with us. All 15 members of our family vacationing on the beautiful Island of Kauai.

So, the alone part. This was a magical trip but before hand I have to admit that I was filled with apprehension. As we got nearer to our trip I was filled with stress. In June I couldn’t imagine leaving Elsa; as she was not in great shape. Infact I didn’t know how she was going even deal with summer with her Laryngeal Paralysis. I stressed about leaving her; but also stressed about the what ifs. What if she passed before hand and we had to leave Riggs alone when he was dealing with grief.

As most of you know, we lost our girl June 21st. And, as I expected, Riggs was devastated. He was deep in mourning and the idea of leaving him alone was very difficult to consider. But as I said, this was our whole family trip together; no way I was missing it. I had lots to do to ease my mind so that I could go and enjoy.

We had booked our sitter for two trial weekends before the big trip. One 2 nighter in June and another in July. This would give the dogs time to get to know the sitter and for the sitter to get to know them. We had to cancel the June trip as we had just lost Elsa. The July trip would have to stay in place or there was no way I could wrap my head around going.

As the date for the trial run drew closer; I fret, stressed, over thought and worried. I worry about my dogs like they are my children. Long story short, it turned out great and lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. I could do this, the sitter was as worried about it working out as I was. No point going away if you can’t enjoy your trip.

Riggs and I had the sitter over for lunch a week before the big trip. It gave him and her a little more time to get accustom to each other. This was extremely helpful when she had to arrive very early for our trip day. We had to leave stupid early of course. I hate early flights, I truly do. Anyhow, it was early and I waited at the airport for my “I’m here with Riggs” text. It came well before we had to take off; so this I was very happy about.

There was a lot of communication throughout our week in Kauai. The sitter changed her schedule a bit to accomodate my dogs. But the days that she had to be away for any length of time; I had made plans for another great sitter to come in and hang with Riggs. This was set in place mostly for Elsa but I kept it because this was the first time he’d been left for a week, alone.

I remember thinking “so we just leave him all alone?” I havn’t had one dog in a longtime and Elsa seemed so much more adjusted after losing Luke. Although it was probably just her stoicism, she was a tough cookie. Tough cookie is not how I would describe Riggs. But everything was set in place to make this work for everyone, including me.

Riggs is a highly intelligent, uber emotional guy. Every feeling he has is big so thinking about him dealing with grief and missing us; not knowing if we were coming home or not was tough. But we’ve gone on many trips; and we always come home, he knows that. The only difference now was that he didn’t have Elsa to lean on. But he did it.

Not only did he do it, he had a true connection with our sitter. She was concerned about making him feel safe and connected. She was who he had to lean on and that is exactly what he did. As they say, “it takes a village.” Not really a village but it does take people who care for our dogs as much as we do. They want it to work as much as we do. Not only did he survive it, he thrived with the genuine love from someone who loves their job and now Riggs too.

Firsts, alone.

Last week, we went away for a couple of nights. This was Riggs first time EVER, being left alone (for more than a couple of hours). Earlier this year we had 2 separate weekends planned away with a new sitter. The end of June and the end of July had been in the books before our loss. Great dog sitters are EXTREMELY hard to find; and when you do find them, they are often booked. So it is essential to have at least 3-4 on a trusted sitters list. This is especially important when you tend to have short notice plans. Good sitters are always booked. I cannot tell you how many things I’ve not gone to because all of my sitters were booked.

When we are trying out new sitters; I always like to go for a short trip to see how it goes. It is very important that everyone involved is happy. Sitter is happy sitting at our home with our dogs; dogs are happy being sat and we are happy and able to enjoy ourselves. No point in having your dog’s sat at your home if you are constantly worried and can’t enjoy yourself.

The June trip was cancelled due to our loss on June 22nd. At only a week out, it was too soon to even consider leaving Riggs. Riggs has shared his entire life with Elsa; so when we went away, he always had her to lean on. After cancelling the June trip; we made a conscious decision to keep the next one. I had just over 4 weeks to deal with the fact that we would be leaving Riggs alone.

I’m going to be honest, I was freaking out at the thought of leaving Riggs alone. But life happens, things change and the best thing to do, is to move forward. We could do this, he could and I could. I had faith in my new sitter, she was very concerned with all the details of how to best help Riggs to get through this new newest hurdle.

The sitter and I met a few days before the day we were to leave. We talked about everything that needed to be covered about Riggs; and I told her that I had no idea how he was going to react. He’d never been left alone before. She was wonderful and asked lots of questions. She is very knowledgeable with regards to dog behavior so Riggs liked her from the get go.

This was going to be a quick 2 nights. So we decided to do a staycation, close to home, just in case. So, long story short, he did great. She did great and I have to say that it was nice to get away for 2 nights. I’ve had my grieving on the back burner because I’ve been trying to help Riggs with his. So to have a few days to not have to worry about him was nice.

My biggest concern with leaving him alone was eating. His eating had changed in the last 4 weeks so I wasn’t sure that he’d eat. That first night I waited for the news. HE ATE!!!!! The biggest hurdle, conquered. We were in constant contact; and the fact that she was as concerned as I was that he be okay, helped me to relax. His first night was a little rough, staying up and looking for us. But by the second night he had settled in and was being pretty free with his hugs and kisses.

When we got home he went crazy as he typically does; but I tried to my best “chill Mom” mode. And like any other time we have been away, he was stuck like glue for a few days following the trip. It went way better than I had anticipated and he got to see that even when left alone; we will always come home.

This had been planned for both dogs; but life had other plans, so we had to adjust. I highly recommend searching for sitters. It’s sort of something that I am always doing; because when you have great sitters, they are often booked. This means that you need lots of great sitters to be able to call. There is a process that I follow when looking for new sitters. But the most important factor is how that person and your dog get along.

I am so happy that this worked out and things have changed even after the 2 days away. It sort of reset Riggs back to who he was before our loss. Of course not completely all the way back; but he is much more himself after our trip. I think he was so happy to see us that the sadness he was feeling was just a little bit less.

Life is a little less heavy now.

A celebration of life!

She was born in Ohio, and given the name Kayde. I didn’t know her way back then, but I soon would. I watched the litter of puppies as they grew and contacted the breeder. I was ready for a puppy and the breeder seemed to be a good one. I had known of her for a very long time but never spoken to her. I picked up the phone and asked if there was a possibility that she would let me have one of her puppies. She said “yes” she would be thrilled for us to add one of her puppies to our family.

She knew of me and my dogs from my Facebook Group “The Standard Poodle.” While on the phone she said “just to let you know, they have full tails,” sort of as a heads up. Perhaps she thought maybe I’d mind if her tail was not docked (cut off), but I could not have been happier. She was to be our first full tailed standard poodle. And this would be the beginning of supporting good, ethical breeders who don’t dock tails. As well as taking a hard stance and being an advocate for the dogs. Elsa really started it all.

The puppies were to be temperament tested at the age of 7 weeks and then the placement would be done. Everything the breeder said to me about how she tested and placed sounded great. Like it was yesterday, I remember my husband watching the puppy videos and saying “I want that one.” I told him, “that’s not how it works.” She will give us a choice of maybe 2 or 3 or there might be a very clear placement of one. “But, I want that one” he said. “Well, maybe it will be that one,” I replied to him.

After the temperament tests were done, there were 2 puppies that would be a fit for us. But one had a uti (if I remember correctly,) so she wanted to hold her back and be sure that it cleared up before letting her go. That left Miss Kadye, who as it turned out; was the puppy that my husband was determined that we had to have. It was meant to be from the start, the universe had seen to it.

She arrived on September 08, 2011 and life was never, ever the same. It took several days for us to come up with her new name. My husband and I went back and forth with many names. He liked one that I didn’t, I liked one that he didn’t; until we landed on Elsa. We looked at each other knowing, that’s it. She was named after Elsa from the book Born Free by Joy Adams written in 1960 and made into a movie in 1966. I’d seen the movie and wished as a child that I had a lion named Elsa.

Just to clear with the inevitable question that we often get. Our Elsa came before the Disney Elsa. The movie Frozen with a very famous Elsa came out November 27, 2013. Our Elsa was born July 10, 2011. So obviously Disney stole our dog’s name. Clearly. Being named after the Lioness Elsa; she had a big name to live up to and she surpassed it easily. No she wasn’t a lion but she was lion hearted, like no other.

Elsa adored everyone, every dog and especially puppies and babies. Babies were by far her favorite and she was lucky to have 7 little babies to watch grow in her lifetime. I remember with our first Grandchild, she just wanted us to put him on the floor so she could tend to him. She was over excited in his presence but within a few days she learned about human baby things and boundaries were all about.

She was often seen sneaking a lick of little toes sticking out of a blanket. And as they grew into toddlers, she loved them even more. When they learned to throw a ball, she was in heaven as were they. Watching their little faces light up as she caught their throws was priceless. With each new addition to the family she wanted to be the “Nanny Dog” of all. Just weeks ago I saw her licking the toes of our newest 6 month old Grandson. She just wanted to love every single one of them. As they grew into toddlers and kids; she loved to be in the middle of all the fun; often having to be put in the house because she kept getting the ball or puck during their game. In recent years she found it a little difficult when they all came together; and, cherished the moments when they would come to her for a special quiet moment.

Elsa was my constant companion for 14 years and 9 months. I called her Sporty Spice her whole life because of her love of the game. And when I say game, I mean any game. She was up for absolutely anything that was being played and was an athletic superstar until being hit with a spinal stroke at the young age of 8. But even then she kept going with the same drive; with just a little handicap. She was and is an inspiration to keep going in life. No matter what you are hit with; you just muscle through it to the best of your ability.

This blog was to celebrate Elsa turning 15, but it is now a celebration of her life. Caring for her over the last few months; I thought she just might just make her 16th birthday through sheer determination. I am honored that our girl touched so many and changed how many people think of “poodles.” I can’t tell you how many people have said to me over the years “that’s a poodle?” Followed by “I didn’t know that I liked poodles.” This came from mostly men who were smitten by her “Hi my name is Elsa, who are you?” attitude and sleek pom pom less beauty.

I will never stop feeling like the luckiest person to have been given the chance to live with such a dog. To be able to say that I was and will always be Elsa’s Mom. She was a gift like no other. Today I celebrate her life; cherish the life we shared and thank Vicki (her breeder, Autumn Shades Standard Poodles) always for allowing us to share our life with such an amazing girl.

Always in my heart.

How's it going?

It’s going. Grief is tough, it can sneak up on you in the smallest of moments. Sometimes a memory can create a flood of tears. But grief is important. You have to grieve to get through it. I miss her like crazy. I miss the help she has needed through the years. It’s what we do as guardians of our canines, we care for them. Sometimes that means more care when life isn’t always fair. She was dealt a lot of stuff over the years but never once was she defeated.

Riggs is going through it as well. It’s now been 2 weeks but I think he still thinks she might come through the door. He’s lost his guiding light and I can see it. We are trying to keep him busy; but, he also has to go through it. The only way to the other side is to go through.

Grief is something you can put on hold sometimes; but it has to come at some point to get through it. Grief comes from the loss of love. How much love will factor in the amount of grief. As our dog’s age, we all know that it will come. But even when they pass as seniors, it is a massive loss.

Riggs has stopped searching for her fresh scent outside. That was tough to watch, knowing that he was not going to find it. Everything is different, our lives are forever changed and we have to adapt. It will take him time to get his rhythm back. Even longer to get through the grief. Like so many other k9s who lose their k9 companion, he is mourning her loss. He is such an emotional guy; every emotion he has is really big. This loss is not only his first, but monumental for him.

He loves to use his brain so I am reminding him about our fun brain games. He enjoyed yesterday’s game and I will try to play one everyday with him. He has been getting lots of new toys, which he loves. He has also been going for really big walks every morning with my husband and gardening with Mom in the day. It is hard to watch him when he’s mourning her loss. But like us, he has to go through it.

When we lost our Luke in January 2015, Elsa knew immediately that he was gone. She looked for him one day, and not again. She was sad, but she was also bravely stoic dealing with her loss. Each dog is an individual and how they deal with a loss will be different for every one of them. Riggs is having a hard time.

Time and distance helps with loss but grieving must be done. It never gets easier if you don’t grieve such a huge loss. We will get through it, we will do it together. He’ll be okay and so will we.

Anyone who has loved and lost a dog understands the emptiness and sadness. It is never easy.

GRIEF - dealing with it.

GRIEF - mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow.

It’s Friday. We lost our girl on Monday, and no, he’s not okay. Neither are we.

The silence is deafening. Coming down the stairs in the morning is the worst. When Elsa was with us there was much physical routine in place for her assistance and safety. In the morning, I would get up and let both Riggs and her out of their “safety bed pen.” Riggs would charge out and dive on the bed, waking my husband. I’d get the sling around Elsa and help her to her feet. Riggs would speed down the stairs ahead of us, like lightening. I always say “you can’t even see him, he goes so fast.” I’d get Elsa set at the top of the stairs, preparing to go down. Taking most of her weight with the sling in the last couple of months, we’d head down.

She would go immediately to the water bowl, trying to quench her insatiable thirst (from her failing kidneys). Then she’d head out, pee and take her time maneuvering the patio door. She was terrified of falling; so we had runners and bath rugs everywhere. Elsa would then go to the couch and put her front feet up, waiting for my help to get her up. Once situated comfortably, it was morning treat time.

After morning snack was had by both Elsa and Riggs; we settled down in our appropriate places. With coffee in hand, I often had no room to even drink my coffee. With Elsa tight at my right side and Riggs quite literally on top of me happily smiling away, there was no room for a cup. Elsa was notorious for attention seeking head nudges, so I was always prepared for my coffee to go flying. “Guys, Mommy can’t drink her coffee,” I would tell them. They didn’t care, they were where they wanted to be. By my side.

The first morning after, was the worst. It was sheer silence, no huffing, no heavy breathing, no lifting, adjusting, assisting…nothing. This morning, Riggs remained in bed with Dad. He is sleeping with us now. He didn’t come down with me. After I got my coffee I noticed him standing at the top of the stairs and called to him, he didn’t come down. When he finally did come down, he didn’t want his morning snack. He quickly curled up in a small ball, in Elsa’s spot by my side and let out a sigh.

Riggs is in a state of deep grief. He joined our family when Elsa was 7.5 years old and lived by her side for the rest of her life. I’ve not had to deal with sibling grief like this before and it is, to be honest, heartbreaking. He has his small moments of joy but even then it is not the exhuberant joy that there once was. Will it come back? I surely hope so.

Most of you have seen his huge smiles. I realized lastnight that we have only seen one very small smile since she left us.

Riggs has always been a cup half full guy. He is a worrier, mostly about monsters getting us. But he is joyful; I mean crazy joyful. He loves life and seems to be thrilled each morning when we come downstairs. His deep sorrow has caused me to control where and when I become emotional. We are also trying very hard to minimize the use of her name. It is not easy but we are trying very hard, for him. I don’t think constantly hearing “Elsa” is good for his heart.

Riggs has always been an extremely emotional guy. He is without a doubt my emotional support dog; without ever being asked to be that. Anytime I am the least bit upset; he runs to me, throws his head on my chest and tries to climb inside me, pretty much. He does his best attempt at fixing me. He is truly unbelievable. Before a tear drops, before I say anything, he knows.

He’s hurting, it is easy to see when you know your dog as well as we do. He spent his hours cleaning her ears, checking on all of her bumps, cleaning her face and just generally tending to her. When she started her demand barking he would go to her to try to solve her problem. But now he is lost.

I went out for the first time yesterday; not knowing how he would deal with it. I have a camera set up so that I can see and hear him; and if need be, talk to him. I was gone an hour and he did fine. His behavior did change from what he use to do but he lay quiet on the front dog bed waitng for my return. When I did return I had to downplay it.

Writing is therapy for me; so bear with me as I share our loss journey with you all.

If you didn’t see Elsa’s eulogy blog, click here.

Elsa - forever in my heart

July 10, 2011 - June 22, 2026

It is with a heavy heart and through tears that I share the loss of our girl, Elsa. She passed very peacefully yesterday, June 22, 2026. She was surrounded with love; my husband, Riggs and myself. Her favorite place in the last couple of months was lying as close as possible at my side; and if I wasn’t there she voiced her opinion daily. Especially after dinner, she wanted me in my place so that she could be in hers. This special place was where she left us.

We are completely broken in her absence. Fifteen years is a long time. And a love like we had is a gift like no other. There is no getting over something as monumental as this; there is only trying to get on with life as best we can.

As many of you know, Elsa had been dealing with many medical issues over the years. She was truly a pillar of strength and an example that I have and am trying to mirror. Elsa never let anything hold her down; even when she could barely walk she got up and went; getting up with each trip, stumble and full fall. As she worked through a spinal stroke at the age of only 8 years old; constant uti’s, high blood pressure (causing 6 hour seizures), bad kidneys, laryngeal paralysis, vestibular disease and a large mass on her lungs she was an example for all. She just pushed through as if to say to the universe “that all ya got?”

Her favorite thing in the world was her family, especially her babies and puppies. We called her our Nanny Dog because she just wanted to take care of all the babies. I cannot tell you how many images I have with her and most of our Grandchildren. Her typical greeting to those she loved was squinty eyes and a tiny or big smile. Elsa was a greeting smiler and it was very special when you were on the receiving end of one.

Miss Elsa joined us as #4k9 at the time; with 3 canine family members. We brought her home and let her into the backyard where she made the rounds like she’d lived here for years. She was simply a joy from day one and I cannot imagine my life now without her. Our relationship was very different from any others. We were more like women partners, equals as she was such a highly intelligent, gentle, and caring matriarch by my side. We matriarched as a team.

After Luke passed (January 2015) we were inseparable and our connection grew even stronger. And then in December 2019, Riggs joined our family. He was not Luke but the connection between her and Riggs grew strong over time. As we prepared to say our goodbyes on the couch yesterday; Riggs came to her and they kissed for sometime. It was a very special and heart wrenching moment.

As we neared the end; days were spent discussing… when. It is NEVER an easy decision but we were clear on our parameters. We did not want to take one good moment away from her; but, we did not want her to suffer one moment.

With Elsa’s determination I had started to think that we might just make it to her 16th birthday. But this past weekend things started to become difficult for her. There had been a few signs in the couple of days before. But up until this weekend she had always rallied. Even when we thought “I think this is it,” she rallied like “just kidding, I’m fine.” So for us, it has been quite a while living on the edge. Elsa was strong, like many dogs; she loved her life and wanted to live.

Sunday night we knew. We slept on the couch with her, just in case she needed to go out. I was awake most of the night; holding her face in my hand as I finally drifted off. Then waking with her barking at me and I again fell asleep, this time her paw in my hand.

We had decided long ago, right after Luke was humanely euthanized (January 2015) that we would always do it at home if it was possible. I made the call Monday morning and the appointment was set. I just held her for most of the morning. Her favorite thing now was lying beside Mom on the couch, so that is what we did in her last hours.

Human nature leads us to second guessing with this horrific decision making and we went through it. But it is our job and our job alone to end suffering in our dogs. It is a job that no one wants; but it is essential when we love our dogs.

Elsa joined our family with a bang. She lived and loved her life all through her 15 years. She left very, very peacefully surrounded by her human and k9 family. Our hearts are broken and we are having a difficult time of it. But so is Riggs and he is my main concern. He was there by her side through it and I’m really not sure what he understands of it all. He is very meloncholy. He has eaten and gone for a walk this morning but he is extremely sad.

Anyone who ever had the priviledge of meeting Elsa were very lucky. She loved people. She was a very, very special dog. She was the type of dog that anyone would want to live with. Elsa was perfect in every possible way. Her heart was huge. With sheer determination and stubborness, she was not going until she was truly done.

The house is empty and quiet. Elsa had a cough in her last months and I missed even that this morning as I came down the stairs… alone. We had carried and assisted her up and down the stairs for seven years. With each issue she rallied with us by her side. I sat in silence on the couch until Riggs came down today. Nothing is the same; the house, Riggs and we are not right; there is an absence and heavy sadness that will only heal with time and memories. There are memories, so many memories with my girl.

We will get through together, but we will never get over.

I loved this girl with all of my heart and soul.

behavior markers and teaching new behavior

Elsa as a puppy. Just back from our trip to Connecticut, she was a very enthusiastic student.

I love k9 behavior. I love to watch dogs exhibiting their natural behavior dogs being dogs. And, I love to teach dogs new behaviors. Each and everytime you teach a new behavior to your dog, it makes it easier to teach the next behavior. Having trained many dogs over the years; I have run into a few that really didn’t understand the whole idea of learning; and only because they’d never learned to learn.

Learning - the act or process of acquiring knowledge or skill.

Learning is accomplished the easiest by the use of a behavior marker. A simple word like “yes, key, top” or a particular sound that you make can be used as a marker. Timing is everything and when you are just starting out with a behavior marker it can be difficult to get the timing down correctly.

A behavior marker is a link between a desired

behavior and a treat reward.

The behavior marker must be primed.   This means that you need to teach your puppy or dog that the marker has great power. The powerful pairing is “marker” = reward.  It is not to coax your dog to do a behavior but a marker to pinpoint the exact behavior that you are looking for. 

 The behavior marker is used to teach new behaviors.

• Choose your word or sound and let the family know.

• Only use it if you intend to reward after.

• If you accidentally use your marker word, still reward.  By rewarding after the word or sound, it keeps its power.

• The marker word or sound is very powerful.

• Once your dog has a reliable understanding of a behavior you can replace the behavior marker with praise.

• Markers are only used to teach behaviors; once it is taught, you stop using the marker.   

When you start trying to teach a dog a behavior that has never been taught a behavior before, you start very small. A very simple behavior like “touch” can be a good place to start out.

I will do a demonstration with Riggs and post it on my instagram page.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Health update - Elsa

Miss Elsa, 8 weeks old and very confident. The beginning of our life together.

Good afternoon, I wanted to share a health update on Elsa. It’s taken me a few days as we have been processing ourselves. Elsa has a birthday coming up in July; she will be 15, amazing. And I have to say with everything that she has had to deal with health wise so far in her life, she is just amazing all round.

Last Tuesday Elsa had a really bad day. She was coughing, dealing with acid reflux and was generally restless. By the evening she was better but I was very worried. I called and got her into the vet the next day. At times like this I don’t take no for an answer when I call the vet. Basically I tell them I’m coming so they better make room; which they typically do. So to the vet we went and I waited outside in my suv with her and would only bring her in if I had to. She is terrified of falling and the floors are very slippery inside the vets. Even with her boots on and me holding her by the harness handle she is still very stressed.

The vet came out to us and had a listen to her lungs. She was very worried by the sound and so into the vet we went. She wanted to xray her lungs. Elsa has had a nodule in her lungs for over a year. At our last check up on it, the growth had been very minimal and it was still considered a nodule. After her xray on Wednesday, they brought her out to the waiting room and she was never so happy to see Mom. She lay beside me and the vet came out to get me. “I want you to see this, I’m worried,” she said.

I didn’t want to get Elsa up and drag her to the back again so they had a tech come and sit with her. I headed to the back; I was trying to focus as I took a big breath and tried to compose myself. When we arrived at the xray visual, the vet said “her mass is huge.” I could clearly see it, I didn’t have to be told. The tiny nodule has now grown to a 7cm cancerous mass; and there is a shadow of more above it. Not good news.

The vet proceeded to give me the 3 options. I barely heard what she was saying as my mind went back to Luke, Tilley and Jessie. I shook my head at the first as I have many times before; CT scan, biopsy, chemo etc. etc. Medicate her to see if we could make her feel better or choose humane euthanasia now. At that, I asked the vet to send the xray to a specialist, which she did. I left the back room and went to get my girl.

The xray was sent to a specialist and confirmed. It looks like a cancerous tumor but without a biopsy we can’t be sure. But either way, at almost 15 we are not operating. I went home and did a deep dive into Elsa’s health issues. I found out that prednisone can help a great deal with inflammation of the tumor. This could help with her coughing. Well, as happens often with Elsa, it was not the right thing. It caused her to be more anxious and unstable on her feet and very restless. So we quickly weaned off the prednisone.

Today, June 1,2026 she is feeling better off of the prednisone and has not had another day like last Tuesday. We are at the “quality of life” stage. No one wants to be here, but here we are again. We have had extensive discussions around our girl and we will not let her suffer. Unfortunately this tumor alongside her Laryngeal paralysis is a double breathing hit. She has extremely high blood pressure which she is treated successfully thankfully; because it caused her to have 6 hour long seizures. Then she was hit with Vestibular disease late last year. But she’s rebounded amazing after that.

Elsa had a spinal stroke at the age of 8 and since then has had neurological issues to deal with. Her GOLPP may be related to her spinal stroke. We haven’t gone anywhere since last August after Vestibular hit. She is inspirational; I honestly can’t believe how she has taught me to keep going when you think you can’t. Don’t complain, just go forward.

Each and every time she has been knocked down and we think that it is time; she shows us that it is not. She shakes it off like “just kidding, I’m fine.” It is different now, knowing that there is a darkness looming from inside. Something we cannot see but know that it is there. Even without the mass, Laryngeal Paralysis is not going to get better. Making sure that she does not suffer is my main focus now. This is all about breathing for her. There will be a decision to make in the near future. But for now, she is napping peacefully.

“She has good days and bad days, today is a good day.”

(Christmas with the Kranks)

Dogs, understanding terms.

This morning, as I tried to remove myself from the pile of blankets that I had been cocooned in while enjoying my coffee; I told Riggs “I’ll be back.” Over the years, he has learned exactly what this means. It is something that I like to teach my dogs so they don’t get up, follow me and find out that I’m coming right back. So, I head upstairs and got dressed for our morning walks. These days most walks are done separately. This is for a couple of reasons listed below:

• Elsa’s age.

• Elsa can only walk a very short distance.

• Riggs needs to re-learn to be at home by himself.

• Riggs is ripped off in the walk department if we all go together.

• And, it is always good to go out one on one.

Once I was dressed I came downstairs to find Elsa off the couch and Riggs as shown in the image above. He had clearly understood my “I’ll be back,” and remained in his comfy cocoon. But once I come down dressed for walking, everything changes. He quickly sat up and I told him “just Elsa.” He knows what this means. He doesn’t like it but he understands it. I would love to switch things up and take him first sometimes; but with Elsa’s Laryngeal Paralysis, she has to get out first. She cannot walk once the sun is up and warming things.

So, as “just Elsa” left my mouth, Riggs sank down. I grabbed Elsa’s sling and we head downstairs. I glanced back and smiled seeing that Riggs was still under the blanket. He knows the routine; he clearly understands what “just Elsa” means. I’ve been telling him this for a long time.

Elsa’s cue for going on a walk are hand signals and the sight of her sling being picked up. The presence of her sling can mean a couple of thing; but in the very early morning (6:30am) when we are in the livingroom, it means a walk. Elsa is nearly deaf now so I try to rely mostly on hand signals or some type of signal for her. She’s a smart cookie and has got a solid grasp on pretty much everything she needs to know.

So how long does it take for a dog to fully grasp new terminology? Depends on the dog, you, how you are teaching it and how difficult the term is. If you regularly teach your dog new cues or terms, then teaching new ones is easy. But if you don’t talk to your dog often and teach them the meaning of things then the learning curve is much slower. Our dogs should understand how to learn by listening and association.

We are seeing a big change in Riggs lately. He is 6.5 years old now and finally showing some maturity. ;) Seems like the boys take much longer to mature than the girls. He is a funny and very quirky guy; he’s got a lot of stuff. But smart, yikes! He’s probably the smartest that I’ve lived with so far. He is really fun to work with and he loves our deep conversations. The speed at which he picks up new cues, or terminology is pretty crazy. That and his sense of time and motion is always spot on.

Connection check ins

Those eyes!

I had a thought this morning, while out on my walk with Riggs. As is normal on our walks, he had his head down and was on a super sniff session. When I walk my dogs, it is about them; I want to make sure that they get enough of what they need as far as information and fact finding. It’s good for them and it makes me happy seeing them on a mission to seek out more information. While he was deep in the thick of his sniff; I knew it was just a matter of time until he came up for a connection. At that moment he looked up, we locked eyes and had our connection. He then went back to his sniffing. This is where my thought process stemmed from this morning.

This made me think about humans and their addiction to cell phones. In a never ending quest for more stimulus and more information from afar; we can miss what is right in front of us. Some people are on their phone, scrolling for a bit and then check in with the humans around them. But others are very commited in their mindless scrolling. They become so dedicated to what they might miss on social media; that they miss out on their own life. Life is happening around them, but they miss it completely. No check ins, no connection. Human connection is gone and the only connection is to the stimulus of the scrolling.

When Riggs has his head in the bushes or he is on a great scent; he is there, in the thick of it. But if I called to him, he would be out. What I prefer to do is wait, and connect with him once he is done. I like that he does it on his own and when we have eye contact; even fleeting, it is huge and very important. It offers a sense of oneness; we are on our adventure together. Without any connection on an active walk; it would make no difference to Riggs, who was on the other end of the leash from him.

Check ins take work. Depending on the dog, age of the dog, degree of stimulus on a walk and work that you have put into make check ins important. In the beginning, when I have a new puppy; check ins are rewarded. This is because puppies don’t care about a whole lot when they are young. As they get older, you become an important part of your dog’s life. Treat rewarding becomes less (although I still reward great check ins); and verbal praise replaces the food reward. Now, with our connection so deeply intwined; a simple check in from both of us (eye contact from both) seals the deal. We are together.

If your dog is so overstimulated by their surroundings, that you cannot get a check in; then you have work to do. Whether it is because they are young, over stimulated, high drive or you just never realized that check ins are a thing. You can get your dog to check in by rewarding them. A dog that doesn’t check in with you is very much like many humans today who are hooked on their phones. Dopamine, a pleasure/reward neurochemical, is at play when someone becomes more interested in their phone than the life around them.

When our dog’s look at us and we return the behavior; we both experience a dopomine surge. Depending on your relationship with your dog; oxytocin (bonding/love hormone) can also be triggered. A deep connection with your dog is what it is all about. But as a longtime dog trainer; I understand that many dogs and their humans don’t have that. But you can have it; and once you do, you’ll be hooked.

Life on this earth is all about sharing it. Living with dogs is far more than just having a dog. It is about being connected to another species. How lucky are we to be able to live with the descendant of wolves in our homes with us? Sometimes I think that it is really crazy that these wolf descendant just live with us. But living with and being connected are very different. My connection with Riggs is pretty crazy. I can just look at him and he is like “what’s up Mom?” He is a deep and emotional soul; and having the honor of connection with him is simply a gift.

Life is filled with tiny moments; the small things as I always say. It is the small things that are important. A check in from your dog is one of those little things that are huge. Accept them and relish in the fact that they are offered. Hold tight to your connection as they are not always given.

And humans, get off your phone; you are missing your life, and the little things that don’t happen twice.

Hot and cold, senior dogs

Beautiful, but not for an old lady. Elsa is 6 months old here.

Senior dogs have difficulty regulating their body temperature. They have a slower metabolism, a thinning coat, typically less fat insulation and diminished circulation. All of these things factor into old dogs having a difficult time staying cool or warm. Keeping our seniors warm in the cold is much easier than keeping them cool in the heat. Warm and cozy coats (jammies) are great for keeping them warm and something that my guys wear when it gets down in the 40s at night. They also have a good supply of blankets, that they are tucked in with when it’s cold. I buy baby blankets so they have less chance of getting tangled in the blankets. We sleep with our windows wide open all winter so I like to make sure that they are warm. Also, being cool is a good thing for Elsa because of her Geriatric Onset Laryngeal Paralysis Polyneuropathy (GOLPP).

The heat is where we run into a big problem with Elsa. Typically when it gets hot, I groom both Elsa and Riggs down with a #5 or #3 blade. But now I pretty much have to keep Elsa’s coat off of her. Our weather has been unusual this year, with temps in the 90s several days in a row. She can only go outside to sunbathe for a very short time and we have fans to keep air moving. We use the AC more than we typically need to, to keep her cool.

Monday I was maintenance day again. Both Elsa and Riggs were in need of a bath so with our 80 degree temps it was a good day for it. The only thing with having a fabulous smelling, soft poodle is that their now fluffed coat is renewed insulation. When it is flatter and curlier it is not as warm; wash and fluff that stuff and it is WARM. Our walk Tuesday morning let me know that Elsa was feeling the new fluff. We returned from our walk early as she was panting too much. It was only 6:30am but she was feeling it.

Once we got home I realized that it had to come off, no waiting, it had to come off immediately. I skipped my workout and gathered my equipment. Grooming Elsa is getting much more difficult as she has an extremely hard time standing for any length of time. She is groomed on the ground, propped up with one of my arms or a knee but she slowly goes down. I get what I can get done and then she needs to lie down. I get one of our waterproof outdoor beds and get her down on it. I groom one side, flip her over and do the other. I use to groom Tilley like this as she aged but on a table; that was much nicer on my back. But Elsa is petrified of the table and falling now so a sore back and the ground it is.

When I groom Elsa, it is done at lightening speed. I surprise myself how fast I can groom; I’m glad I’ve been doing it for almost 50 years. It’s not the prettiest groom job but it is effective. I focused on her body, her legs are still in need of being shaved. But the heat on her body had to change and it did. Once she is shaved she gets blown out again to get rid of all the little hairs and she’s done until leg day. ;) We headed inside and she was immediately transformed. Not one pant, no coughing, just a happy cool girl.

I see a lot of people trying to keep their old poodles looking poodley with big coats, but it is very hard on them. Grooming is very hard on old dogs; having a bath, being brushed and just standing. They don’t care if they have a poodley look, honestly they don’t. And you know what? It makes keeping them clean and comfortable much easier for us.

Learning to groom at home is a great thing. As our dogs age, it is even more important that we be able to do it ourselves. There is no way a groomer would take the time to do what I have to do for Elsa. Her comfort is the highest priority. She will have her legs done this week; again, not easy. But if needs be, she will be done in several very short sessions. Because she deserves it.

If you are interested in learning to groom at home. You could start right now. My 2 online course are half off. One is a “how to” learn to do a full groom from beginning to end and how to prepare for it. The other is an inbetween grooms “how to” that everyone with a poodle or doodle should take. It is also great to give you the confidence to move to a full groom yourself.

Check them both out here.

Your dog will thank you.

Perfect for a lady in her golden years.

I wish I'd known - doing better for our dogs.

“I wish I’d known,” many people wish that they’d known better with regards to their dog. As we evolve as k9 guardians; there are many things that you learn through the years. As much as may wish that you’d have known better, you didn’t. That is the fact, you just didn’t know. So, beating yourself up for things that you didn’t know is basically useless and counter productive.

But, from the moment you feel that you wish you’d known; you should get to finding out more. The most common regret that I have heard over the years from my clients is that they used harsh training methods. “I had no idea you didn’t have to do this,” they would tell me. “I wish I’d met you sooner Sherri.” And that is when I tell them to “stop beating yourself up.” Because you can’t do better until you know better.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better," is a famous quote by Dr. Maya Angelou.

Once you know better you can do better if you choose. This is where choice plays in with how you treat your dog. Every single thing we do in life is a choice. But we make choices with the knowledge that we have in that moment. Once you have the information; you can make a clear and concise decision as to how you are going to move forward in that moment. Are you going to stand strong in what you’ve learned in the past, the old ways? Or are you going to do better, pushing the “old ways” aside and evolve. This is a huge question with many different answers. It truly is all up to you and how dedicated you are to learn more and do better.

Everyone is different. I know that there are lots of people out there that can’t change; it is uncomfortable for them do so. It can also be self shaming to admit that you were doing your dogs an injustice. We humans are complicated creatures and admitting that you were wrong can be enough to keep you stuck in the old ways.

The old ways is how I was taught. We are talking 50 years ago when positive reinforcement really was not known about. It wasn’t until the late 80s, early 90s that it became mainstream. And honestly once I learned about positive reinforcement work with dogs, I never looked back. I am an will always hate the training method that I first learned; but because of it I am insanely passionate about how I do things now.

Once that positive door was open; I stepped through and slammed the door behind me. That said, my past made me who I am today. And I will advocate for our dogs to the best of my ability. I will always share my knowledge in hopes that people will choose positive over negative. When you choose positive reinforcement to educate your dog; it very quickly grows to encompass every aspect of your k9 life.

If you’ve recently come over to the positive side, welcome. If you are thinking about it and aren’t quite sure yet, follow along. Choosing to learn and do better is never, ever a bad decision.

Don't touch-advocating for your dog

I know, this is amazing artwork. An artist I am not.

Don’t touch unless a dog wants to be touched. The other day Riggs and I were at one of our regular parks. It was early and the regulars were out and about. We were about 1/2 way through our walk when we passed a couple that we see often. Recently they have asked me about Elsa’s absence and I told them that she can’t do that particular park any longer. We never really stopped but slowed our pace as we passed by them; when the man decided that he’d like to touch Riggs. He didn’t ask Riggs and he didn’t even ask me.

Surprisingly Riggs is not a touchy, feely guy with strangers; moreso with male strangers. These people are very nice and Riggs does sort of knows them in passing. But that does not mean that he wants them to touch him. He gave them a cordial wag and came to my side. The man held out his hand palm down; and then reached an almighty reach in attempts to get Riggs to sniff it. Wasn’t happening. In fact this act alone, was enough for Riggs to say “no thank you.”

The woman part of the couple just stood still and Riggs went up and smelled her pants. I told them to have a great day and we moved on. Inside I was shaking my head. Why do people reach out their hand for a dog to sniff? Why? Because that is what we have been taught to do and sadly it is what we teach our children.

Just think for a moment; if a dog wants to interact with you, they will. If they stand back and look at you, they don’t want to. If you reach your hand out for them to sniff; you are already in their space. Space is important for dogs; heck it’s very important for me. I don’t like people who I don’t want in my space, in my space. When you reach your hand out to a strange dog, no matter if you are palm up or down; you are telling the dog that you are going to touch them.

Reach: to succeed in touching or seizing with an outstretched hand.

Riggs has growled at strangers and pet sitters interviewing at our home because of this. Not because he wanted to attack them; but he was saying “don’t touch me.” As soon as your hand begins to leave your side; you are in essence saying “I’m going to touch you.” Touch is a funny thing in dogs. Even with dogs that live together in your home; there isn’t a whole lot of touching other than perhaps when they sleep. They may kiss from time to time but touch is really a human thing that our dogs learn about when they join our family.

Many dogs, like Riggs LOOOOVVVVEEEE touch from their amily, their inner circle. From my husband or myself, there is never enough touching, snuggling, hugging etc. But from people they don’t know, it’s very, very different. It is time to change the narrative of “this is how we do it,” when greeting strange dogs. The absolute best greeting is a non greeting from humans. Don’t give eye contact, don’t touch, DON’T REACH. Just enjoy a moment in the presence of a k9. And maybe, just maybe if you are lucky you’ll have a small interaction with an unfamiliar different species.

You know what? I never touch dogs when I’m out. If and only if the dog seeks an interaction by entering my space and nudges my hand, I feel very lucky.

Questions?

Finding Your new normal

Life happens, we learn, we accept and we move on. Growth comes with every obstacle to our “normal.”

“I need to find my new normal,” I said to my husband when Elsa was hit with Vestibular disease. When life sort of gets away from you; the longing for your “old life” can be strong.

We can never go back, back to how it was before. That longing to have it the way it was; can create a melancholy feeling of “remember when?” A move, a family addition or loss, major life disruption, personal trauma, illness (human or pet), any life event, good or bad can throw you for a loop. The story you were writing about your life, collapses in an instance. The task of finding your “new normal” can seem like an insurmountable task.

When your life is going along smoothly; you are in the rhythm, your life rhythm. Having life rhythm is your “normal” which feels comfortable. But then something can happen that you did not factor into your day to day, and everything is forever changed. Normal or routine feels safe, comfortable and a place where most like to be. Your normal can be hectic, calm or anything inbetween; but it is your normal and it feels good to be there.

I do not like chaos in my life. It feels disruptive, uneasy and often comes with anxiety. When our dogs have health issues; we can be sent into a unsettling time, with everything being different. When your life changes, your day to day is no longer. Elsa has had quite a few life events that have changed our lives. The dogs in our life that have come before have all had life “stuff,” that changed everything. There have been many events over the years that changed my life in a split second. There have been things that changed life for the short term and things that changed long term life.

Finding your “new normal,” can be a goal when life has been upset. Even a small change in how you do your normal life can be upset when your dog is ill. I know that I desire to find my “new normal” quickly when things change. “How am I going to get her in the car now?” “How are we going to get her to eat now?” “What about the stairs, what will we do?” Are just a few of the questions I’ve asked myself when something has struck my dogs.

If you have been through something that has changed the future that you thought was out ahead of you; you are not alone. Whether that change will start immediately or in the distant future, it can be very unsettling.

Change can cause uncertainty; uncertainty causes stress.

Humans are built to adapt; to figure things out and accept so that we can move on. There can be big and small steps of acceptance in the “new normal”, destination. We may settle on “this new way”, until we figure out something better or more conducive to our next “new normal.”

When our dogs become ill and we are forced to change our life, we grow. We learn that we are more than capable in adapting to the new requirement of our “new normal.” Sometimes that means just figuring out small things. Other times it may mean that the life as you knew it is now changed drastically.

We are often stuck in limbo when our dogs are suddenly struck with a life altering illness. I felt sort of stuck when Elsa was hit with Vestibular; I couldn’t believe she was going to have to deal with something else. This sense of being stuck in a moment of time was caused by uncertainty. Our brains do not like uncertainty; it causes stress because of the lack of prediction. What will the future look like? Some people sort of wing it through life; but I’m a need to know kind of gal. When I can’t see how this event will play out, I don’t like it. Once it starts to fall into place; when things start making sense; and acceptance sets in on the road to the “new normal.”

Life will throw plenty of obstacles into your life. Sometimes events can block the vision you had for your own life story; making it difficult to see your life in the future, it is blurry. You will get through it, we are made to adapt. And as we do so, our story comes into view and the unsettled feelings start to stabilize. Your “new normal” happens with each obstacle in life.

The very old saying “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” is true.

You’ve got this!

2026

Happy New Year everyone. I hope that you all had a safe and happy holiday season. We’re in it, a new year. It is January 9th, 2026 and we had a busy, happy holiday season. It was very relaxing with lots of sitting around under blankets and enjoying just being.

For those of you who follow my IG page @mamaregalbuto you already know that I have been dealing with many injuries since the fall. I injured my right shoulder in September, cut the tip of my left thumb off in November, injured my left shoulder and right elbow in December. All of the injuries have been mostly due to helping my flailing girl Elsa. Even with all of my weight lifting and exercise; when she starts to flail around, things get tweaked.

Pretty much everything is almost back to normal. Albeit my right elbow; it has plagued me for years so it has taken the hardest hit. I have been trying to work around further injury of my very painful elbow but this morning I’d had enough. I know by how painful it is that it is going to be sometime until it is back to good. So, it was a “suck it up buttercup” morning. After trying to decide if Elsa could or would use a ramp to get into the car; I got frustrated and put it back in the garage and lifted her into the car. I tried my very best to line her up so that both she and I would have success.

She did great. It is all about positioning and timing. I use the “toedies” technique of getting her in the car. It worked for years with Luke and she learned by watching Luke. I ask her to put her feet up on the back of the SUV and I do the rest of the work. This is getting harder and harder for her to do; but we managed this morning just fine. The problem lies with when she jumps too early or too far from the car and my whole body is tweaked having to catch and wrangle her. She’s a big girl and I’m a small girl.

But, here we are in January 2026, who’d of thought. Miss Elsa’s did pretty good at her last Vet appointment; with her blood pressure staying steady but her kidney numbers are not the best. As the vet says, we are between a rock and a rock at this point. Meds are bad for her kidneys, high blood pressure can cause a severe stroke and perhaps death. So she gets the meds and we do our best.

We had a lot of family over throughout the holidays which is wonderful; and enjoyed every moment of it. Our family grew again with the arrival of Grandbaby #7. We had the whole family here for CKO (Christmas Kick Off) which is just the best. A bounce house, games, gifts, crafts, food anad chaos. Nothing like it.

As we go into the New Year we have hope of a great one. I hope to spend lots of time with the family making memories and enjoying the little moments. Our k9 family also grew by one; a little scruffy guy named Max that is Luna’s little brother. For Riggs and Elsa? I am a realist so I know what I’m up against with all of Elsa’s stuff. But as long as she’s happy and content, I’m super happy. Riggs is being a trooper and I couldn’t ask for a better companion.

Happy New Year everyone.

Emotions of a k9

This morning I was out with Riggs. We had a glorious walk when I saw a regular “dog walker” that we often see at the park. This guy walks about 6 or more dogs at a time and pretty much steers clear of others. None of the dogs get to stop and sniff anything and if they get out of line; well, I saw what happens this morning. One of the dogs, maybe a new one got a pretty stern correction on a face collar. This is a big no no, it is a whiplash in the making. The dog yelped and got my attention. I guess it wasn’t enough to fix the problem and the walker reached around with his leg and kicked the dog in the loin, another yelp. Not good and too often the situation when you try to keep so many dog under control like robots at one time.

What I want to discuss is the emotions of the dogs. Far too often we want to just stop our dogs, from whatever it is they are doing that we don’t like. We don’t take our dogs emotions into consideration.

Just stop and be like a robot

Dogs have emotions. Some dogs have bigger emotions than others, just like humans do. Riggs is one of those guys, he is a big feeling type of guy. I don’t think he is ever in the position of just shrugging something off.

Knowing how your dog feels about something is very important. Learning how to ply those emotions with knowledge and carress is also important. Just shutting our dogs down, turning off their emotions and their actions is not in the best interest of living with dogs.

Emotions are feelings that are triggered by thoughts or events.

When our dogs are triggered into a reaction from their emotion, it is very real. These feelings are happening and the dog is doing their best to deal. Often our dogs are not capable of making good decisions when they are in an emotional state which is why we need to help them. What we do when our dogs are feeling any emotions is very important. We can make things better, worse or attempt to stop them completely from feeling emotions.

We humans don’t do well with k9 behavior when it stems from emotion. Dogs aren’t humans and they don’t react the same way that we do when something creates an emotional situation. We can’t explain to them, what is happening, we can reason with them. But what we can do is react or address the situation with a positive spin. We can try to calm an over exhuberant behavior by teaching calm and showing our dogs that there are other ways.

Many dogs who get into trouble with an emotional outburst; whether it be a positive or negative response, often don’t know of any other way to act because no one has ever showed them. It is our job to help our dogs alter their behavior with knowledge. Like us, we can’t do better unless we know better.

We humans often do not consider our dogs emotions. But they have them and they play a big part in their behavior, just like us.

Keep your hands to yourself

Our dogs are master communicators. Depending on the situation and environment, slight changes can mean very different things. Can you see the difference here?

I just wrote about this in September, but here’s some more

September blog - Greeting strange dogs

Todays blog.

He reached his hand out to Riggs; and Riggs responded with a deep but quiet growl. The man quickly pulled his hand back, good idea. I sat on the stairs leading to our downstairs familyroom; talking to the two workers who had been at our house for a couple of days. Riggs had given him a clear a precise message, don’t touch me.

For days the workers were very interested in the dogs that were on the other side of the gates. The people and dogs could see each other but both were given space by the gates (I love gates). But when they were finishing up and I breached the gate to check out the results of their work, Riggs followed. I’d be explaining that they could touch the blonde one (Elsa) but not the brown and white one (Riggs). “He doesn’t like to be touched by strangers” I explained. So when he breached the gate to join me; the man said “he’s in.” Even still he reached out to invite Riggs to touch. Nope.

As many of you already know; I am a huge “non touch” advocate for our dogs. The more you learn about dogs the more you understand that the need to touch is an odd one. I get it, don’t get me wrong. I know sometimes it just seems like the thing to do. But it isn’t the thing to do; unless the dog invites you to do it. Dogs give us loads of information but we tend to just ignore it and do what we want to do.

Riggs growled at the man who reached out to him, letting him know that he was not interested. Not only does Riggs not want strangers to touch him; he was more than likely guarding his Mom (me) at the time. As soon as he came onto the other side of the gate he checked in with me to make sure that I was alright.

Is it possible to admire without touching? Most defintely.

But the reach was not the only mistake made by the workers. The other worker who had not reached out was giving Riggs direct eye contact. She was smitten by him and couldn’t stop staring. Riggs let her know that her staring was making him uncomfortable by growling a second time. Not once did Riggs move towards them or attempt any type of aggression. His messages were just that, communications about how he was feeling.

The first one who reached out explained to me that his Father had taught him to offer your hand and if the animal didn’t seem to want to be touched, then you didn’t. Pretty good, except for the reach part.

What should have happened

Use your peripheral vision. Don’t stare directly at a dog upon meeting. It is an unwelcome behavior that we humans tend to do. Use your body to signal no intent. Stand loose and slightly sideways; talk to the guardian, not the dog. Keep your hands (palm in) and arms to your side casually. Don’t stand stiffly, think loosey goosey. Talk to the guardian about the dog and if they enjoy interactions. If they say “yes” then you need to wait for the dog to decide.

What you are waiting for with your hands to your side (keep your hands to yourself); is for the dog to approach you. But, there are all sorts of approaches so just because a dog moves towards you does not mean that they want you to touch them. They might just want to smell you and then move away. If they sniff or nuzzle your hand, you can turn it palm out. And if they engage with that, maybe a little under the chin scratch. And that’s it.

There may be dogs that want more but you need to be very careful. A seemingly good scratch or pet can go bad very quickly. It might seem nice to start and then maybe it’s too much and the dog reacts. So less is more. Admire from afar. We truly do not need to pet or touch all the dogs. ;)

Aging ladies

I was writing on my computer when Elsa shoved her head into my leg. It’s a common thing for her to do when she thinks that I’ve been on my laptop for too long. I reached down and ran my hand along her back. It’s a bumpy road now with all of the growths that have popped up all over her. Petting her often causes me to pause and ponder. Elsa is now 14 years and 3 months of age. Not only is she very senior but she is a senior doing great. To be honest we were thrilled when she reached her 13th birthday, and never thought that we’d celebrate her 14th. We have and she is proving to be pretty spectacular.

Elsa’s hearing is very bad; she has a slight tilt left from Vestibular, she has neurological issues from her spinal stroke, she has laryngeal paralysis, high blood pressure and a tendancy for uti’s due to incorrect anatomy. With all of that, she amazes me daily.

What I’d like to talk about is all the physcial stuff that she requires now and the fact that it’s not always easy. You see I am only 5’ 1”, Elsa is a big girl at over 50lbs and 26” at the shoulders. So when she suffered a spinal stroke over 5 years ago now; lifting her around was tough. I clearly remember carrying Tilley (my blue Standard Poodle, gone now over 13 years) up and down the stairs for years when she was hit with Vestibular disease. She was smaller than Elsa and I was 16 years younger. That makes a big difference.

I am now 63 years old and I want to stay as strong as I can so that I can lift. I want to be able to lift my dogs when they need me to. When Elsa was most recently stricken with Vestibular disease, like Tilley, I worried. I worried about hauling her up and down the stairs. It was not easy, her size was the most difficult thing. She only weighs a bit more than Tilley did but she is much taller.

It only took a few times up and down the stairs to figure out that I needed to do something different. Picking her up like I typical do was not going to work going down the stairs. I couldn’t see well enough to get down safely; and going slow for safety meant it took longer to get her down. So I opted for a full body harness to support her and simply through her over my shoulder. This freed up my right hand to hold the railing and down we’d go. This harness turned out to be the answer I needed and it is something I recommend.

I lift weights, I have been lifting weights since I was about 16 years of age. There were years when I wasn’t so much into lifting but as I age I am a dedicated lifter. I talk about lifting alot and try to spread the word about how important it is to maintain muscle mass as you age. If I didn’t lift like I do; there is no way that I could do the things that I do now. I also eat a lot of protein which is something that I am pretty obsessed about.

Protein consumption is very important for our dogs muscle maintenance and our muscle maintenance. Making sure that we eat enough protein while lifting is essential to grow and maintain muscle. Muscle protects joints, tendons and ligaments. If you don’t have enough muscle you risk injury by leaving your joints, tendons and ligaments to fend on their own. The same is true for our dogs.

So as Elsa and I age together; she needs more and I work hard to make sure that I can offer her what she needs. I truly cannot imagine trying to help her around if I didn’t workout like I do. Lifting and fueling for muscle growth and retention is a passion of mine both in humans and dogs. The older I get the more I realize how seriously important lifting is; especially if you want to be able to…

LIFT HEAVY SHIT

I do not want to be a feable woman who has to say “I can’t.” I am a very “can do” type of person, even though there are times when I do say “I shouldn’t.” You have to be smart, but, you also should be strong enough to do the things that you want to do. The only thing stopping you might just be muscle.

Greeting strange dogs

Please don’t touch me, you are a stranger to me.

The longer I live with dogs the more puzzled I am about humans. We see a dog and we want to touch the dog. I aways think that people must think it very strange when they find out I’m a dog trainer and I don’t care to touch any of the dogs. The only time I will touch is when the dog wants me to touch them; but even then I may not. It all depends on the dog.

“STOP TOUCHING DOGS!!!!!” I know, it’s difficult but we really need to stop. Do you know how many dogs are touched that do not want to be touched? Now, I’m talking about people touching dogs that they do not know.

2020 blog on Greeting strange dogs.

Above is a link to a previous blog on the same subject. Teaching people how to approach and/or greet a strange dog is something that I am passionate about.

Most of us have been taught to offer a dog our hand, palm down and let them sniff. But this single behavior can be very unwelcome. I know if someone reaches out to Riggs he is not happy about it. His behavior says “who the hell are you and why are you reaching out to grab me?” Many people ask “can I?” while they reach out. Others reach out before they ask and some never ask.

Asking the guardian of the strange dog is the very first step. The guardian may say “sure” but more often than not the dog says “no.” Dogs speak with body language first; and if you happen to hear a growl, then that is your answer. Do not touch a dog that voices displeasure at your approach. A dog that just stands there and does not approach you is not interested in an interaction. They most definitely do not want to be touched.

So, first let’s agree, no more touching strange dogs. But, if there is going to be an interaction; there must be a great deal of work from the strange human first.

• Approach the guardian with the dog.

• Ask the guardian if their dog is friendly.

• Ask the guardian if their dog would like to be touched.

• Stand at least 3-4 feet away from the dog.

• Do not give the dog a direct glance. Use your peripheral vision to see if the dog is moving closer to you.

• If not, stop and don’t go any further. No touching.

• Stand relaxed with your hands hanging beside you. (keep your hands to yourself)

• Does the dog move towards you? No? Don’t touch.

• Yes, turn your palm towards the dog, but don’t raise you arm.

• Let the dog smell your hand.

• Do not look directly at the dog. This is enough to freak some dogs out.

• If they nuzzle your hand, give them a tiny tickle under their chin.

• Pay attention to how they are accepting this.

• DO NOT REACH OVER THE DOGS HEAD. Dogs do not like to be pet on the top of their head. Even though humans always do this.

• You may need to stop at the chin. Some dogs like Elsa will really move in and loves to be touched by people. Although not all people. She moves in and nudges hands and makes it very clearly she likes it.

But even with dogs like Elsa, don’t push it. Quit while your ahead and be satisfied with a chin rub. There may be a few that enjoy a little more; maybe a chest rub or side of body pet. DO NOT REACH OVER THEIR HEAD.

But for the majority of the dogs, stop there; they do not want strange people touching them. Neither do we. Can you imagine if strangers walked up to us and simply reached out and touched us? Unacceptable. Equally as unacceptable for our dogs. We need to rethink this whole “petting all the dogs” idea.

If you have any questions about greeting strange dogs, ask away.