A few years back I took in a very fearful little rescue to foster. I was told that she loved other dogs but she did not. Elsa was amazing with her, not pushing for interaction but doing everything she could to make the little one feel comfortable by being very unthreatening.
Famous last words. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard people say “don’t worry, dogs love me.” As the last word “me” leaves their mouth, the dog they are attempting to pet turns and bites down on their hand. And then…these magnets for dog love come unglued; they cannot figure out what happened. How could a dog not love them?
From experience, most average humans know nothing about dogs. In fact many people not only don’t know; what they think that they know is all wrong. Just this weekend I witnessed another of these situations playing out. Thankfully the little dog put up with the unwanted touch. She offered up frozen posture and a clear whale eye as the person continued their oblivious and uneducated affection on the dog.
First, let’s just address the fact that many humans don’t understand dog behavior. Next, is it our human right to pet and hold dogs that do not know us? NO. Look, don’t touch….and sometimes don’t even look. I have gone into many training sessions where I cannot even look at a dog…it’s too much until we get to know one another. Staring and even looking can be overwhelming and threatening to a highly sensitive or fearful dog.
When I go into a new home where the people and dog/s are complete strangers to me, I use my peripheral vision. Peripheral is so important when you can’t watch a dog but need to watch a dog. This means that you don’t want the dog knowing that you are watching them. Watching or eye contact can be very unnerving to a dog who is not comfortable with strangers.
My normal routine looks very much like I am ignoring the dog. But it takes work not to look, or look like you are not looking. My eyes wander around my surroundings as I take in a dog’s natural behavior to a stranger in their home. This is such an essential part of what I do. This is where I get most of my information on where we go next.
When you have a dog or dogs, it is your job to support your dog. Do you have your dog’s back? Will you stop unwanted approach from human visitors? How about out on a walk? Will you stop approach? It can take some work to muster up the “NO, he doesn’t like to be touched,” attitude. But it is our job, and our dog’s happiness depends on it.
I know when we get a dog we all have dreams of Lassie greeting people at the door; a dog that has never met a stranger, but that is far more rare than you would think. Dogs give us lots of communication that we mostly don’t see and/or ignore. We often punish anything that looks like it is not friendly; growling, walking away, cringing, hiding or lunging. Guardians often scold growling, coax and push their dog into unwanted interactions which just make matters worse. What many guardians don’t do, is listen to what our dog is saying. Instead they focus on the fact that our dog growled at our visitor; when they forced an interaction.
Humans need to learn about dogs in general; that is if they intend on living with one. At least the basics about how dogs work should be required. Next they need to learn about their own personal dog and how to best support their needs. If their dog has “issues” then they need to learn how to correctly help their dog. Many times a simple “no” when asked if someone can touch or interact with our dogs or maybe a “please don’t stare at or reach out for my dog.”
When you reach out to a strange dog, you are already coming in hot. You may think that you are offering up a friendly gesture but in reality you are approaching without asking the dog first. Why is it that we feel that dogs should accept touch by strangers; when we teach our children that this is totally not okay?
Learn about dogs, learn about your dog. How can you best help and support their needs?
Questions?