Dealing with your emotions when your dog is sick, can be tough.
When I woke up Wednesday I immediately checked in with Elsa. The night before she had not been able to pick up her ball. This of course was a huge red flag; something was not right with my girl. She ate part of my Perfect Bar first thing; but caution took the place of her normal gusto.
We head downstairs where I tried to offer Elsa a normal treat and she whimpered as she attempted to eat it. That was it, we were headed to the ER. Something was definitely not right.
The traffic was horrible; of course it was. At 7:00am in the morning the traffic is horrendous in SoCal. To be honest, it's almost always horrible. I tried to calm myself; Elsa wasn't bleeding to death. Anxiety started to rise as I got closer. How many times had I pulled up to the exact Specialty Veterinarian building? I tried to push away the angst that was brewing in my stomach.
A flood of emotion came over me as I opened the door to the building once again. I'd done this trip only a year and a half before; and it had been the last time with Luke. We signed in and sat awaiting our turn. Then a nice girl came and got Elsa and brought her to the back to check her vitals.
After a bit of waiting alone; I was brought back to sit in a room to talk to a Vet. It was not just any room; it was the very same room where I had sat with Luke on our last visit. Out of all the rooms they had to bring me to that one? I remember it clearly as the walls are covered with cat pictures. Luke and I had had a conversation about the horror of sitting in a cat room.
As I waited I monitored my emotions. I was actually surprised that it was all flooding back; and doling out such weighted anxiety. I realized then that being back in the same building was far more difficult that I had anticipated. Perhaps if I'd brought Elsa somewhere else it might have been easier. But if she had something seriously wrong, there was where I'd wanted her to be.
I ended up having to leave her there at Vets; to wait her turn to be sedated and checked out. I left and headed for home. I worried beyond worrying and then some. The level of worry was caused by the fact that I had no idea what was wrong with Elsa. My mind went from one thing to another and the day turned out to be a big housecleaning event. I could not focus on anything mentally; so physical work was all I could do.
This moment in my life, is the very first time since I was eighteen years old that I have only one dog. Walking into my house that was now dogless was like stepping into the twilight zone. No one came to sniff me; wondering where all the new smells had come from. There was no one to care for; just an empty house to dwell in all day.
Finally I head back to the Vets where I was not really enlightened as far as what was going on. We talked about Masticatory muscle myositis; which he did not think was the cause of Elsa's problem. It could be a mass, like a tumor; an abscess or any other number of things. Because it is not something that you can easily see other than visually checking the outside and in the mouth; she was given antibiotics in hopes that it is just an abscess.
As of this morning there is no change; she remains painful but I have gotten some turkey bone broth into her with her meds and she is now sleeping. We wait now. It is all we can do.