The other day I met some new clients, both dogs and their guardians. As I entered their home it was quite clear immediately that the young dog I was there to see was a little apprehensive She was showing a bit of “I’d like to come see you but I’m not sure,” behavior.
When I enter a new client’s home, I am very aware of the dogs in the house even though I do not show the dogs this. I make it seem like I am talking to the guardians and looking at everything but the dogs. I also ask the guardians to just let things unfold, to not step in to try to fix things. Typically new guardians are very nervous about their dog’s behavior and don’t want to look bad in front the trainer. They very quickly learn that there is nothing to be embarrassed about in front of me.
As we discussed the dogs, I simply hung my hand down by my side. The young dog sniffed my hands and wagged so I bent down (bending at the knees, not bending over) and let her smell me further. My first touch was under her muzzle on the neck and then the chest. She was happy now but a still apprehensive so I very carefully stood up while turning away from her at the same time.
The guardian said “this is so sweet, she really likes you. We had another trainer here and she didn’t stop barking at her the entire time.”
So this is why I was there, to try another trainer out. The guardian continued to be amazed at how much her little pup liked me. I have to say, I get that a lot. :) This particular 7.5 month old puppy was highly suspicious and needed to basically “interview” me before letting her guard down. Of course I was not fully in, I probably won’t be for a few visits; but she was most definitely comfortable in my presence.
The reason I am telling you this story is that trying harder typically backfires with dogs. Many people, when they want to make friends with dogs try and try and try to no avail. The dog sees all this effort as highly suspicious. “Why is this human pushing themselves on me so hard?” It can go from bad to horrible if the human continues to push a dog that needs time.
Being that we are such an intelligent species on our own; shouldn’t we understand that trying too hard backfires? Not likely, because most humans don’t understand dog behavior. Many guardians are embarrassed by their dog’s lack of social interactions and push them to say hi. This is a big no, no; if a dog does not want to say “hi” they shouldn’t have to. And pushing them into it can most definitely backfire.
The guardians of this adorable little lady asked me “do you let people touch your dog while out in public?” My answer, “only if they want to be touched so typically I tell them, you can touch the blonde one, not the brown and white one.” From there I let Riggs decide if he wants to be touched or not. He often follows Elsa’s lead (SHE ADORES PEOPLE) and goes in for some attention, albeit very differently than Elsa. She goes in whole heartedly, Riggs goes in but can only tolerate a small amount at a time.
I regularly come across those people who claim “all dog’s love me” as they reach for my dogs without asking. They are very quickly stopped by me and often schooled about touching without asking and touching in general. I’ve had some great conversations with people while walking my guys. :)
Undoubtedly you will meet dogs that you want to touch or at least say “hi” to. Remember the harder you try to get the dog to like you; the harder it will be to get the dog to like you. Even social pants Miss Elsa who ADORES people does not like people who are overbearing or overly touchy. (No hugging allowed) But I let her decide as I do with Riggs.
This is extremely important, does the dog want to be touched, talked to or even looked at? Maybe not, so look, admire from afar and move along. I’ll be honest, most dogs like or tolerate me but it is not really the “me” part of it; it’s because I know how to act appropriately and treat them with a great deal of respect, which wins them over. I’ve been told many times “he doesn’t like anyone, I can’t believe he wants you to pet him.” This is because I don’t try, I let the dog decide.
Don’t be those guardians who are pushing their dog to greet people that they don’t want to greet. It is a stressful situation for a dog and can easily end in a growl, snap or worse. If a dog does not want to be touched, don’t. After all, think about yourself, do you want strangers walking up and touching you? Okay, maybe Gerard Butler or Liam Neeson…. ;)