Listening Part #2

So much being said.

This is part #2 - a continuation from my previous Really Listening Part #1 blog.  

As far as we humans are concerned, listening (although few people actually listen) is what we rely on for communication.  There is a great deal that can be heard if you read between the lines of what is said and watch as well.  Even though we depend on verbal communications for our preferred way of communicating; there is more to communication than words.

Dogs, on the other hand use body language first so listening to your dog means watching.  Of course canines use vocal communication but it is not their prime means of getting a message across.  Do you listen to your dog?  Which means do you watch?  

I love watching dogs.  So much is said within a few seconds and if you are not watching intently and clearly understand what you are seeing, you'll either miss it or misinterpret the message.  When Elsa has a play date with a canine friend, I find it hard not to watch 100% of the time.  I find it fascinating, so much information is shared between our dogs that we never even know about if we aren't paying attention.

Isn't it funny that we think that our dogs are so amazing at knowing what is going on with us.  "How did she know we were having friends over?"  "How does your dog know when you aren't going out?"  They watch, it's what they do and they know.  They know when things are good and when things are bad, they just know. 

If I am out and about I love to watch dogs and their constant communication.  I have tripped many times while turning to watch an interaction on my own walk.  It is what I love. 

Humans tend to take what they see in canine content and turn it into a human behavior.  When dogs communicate it is not in the same way that we do at all.  We have to explain it in human terms so that we mere humans can understand it but they don't do human things unless they are trained and asked to do so.  

Understanding canine communications is completely alien to us; that is unless we take the time to learn about it.  

Humans misread canine interactions on a regular basis, I see and hear it all of the time.  I see videos where people think that dogs are playing so cute; but they are just on the verge of a fight.  Photos of people allowing children to hug or sit on a dog and think that the dog loves it, sends chills down my spine. 

An extremely relatable example is guilt.  Humans often, far too often see submission as guilt.  "He knows he should not poop on the floor," is a common statement as an owner is yelling at their dog.  "Look how guilty he is," they say as the dog hangs it's head, averts eye contact and shrinks in submission.  The dog is reacting to the human behavior, not the guilt from what they have done. 

If you live with a dog or dogs you really should learn how to understand them.  

Really Listening

Are you a good listener?  I try very hard to be a good listener and am constantly working on it. Many articles are written on listening, yet so many people really don't listen.  There are lots of reasons why people don't listen:

• Non interest
• They would rather talk
• Distracted
• Don't want to listen

I started this blog today in one direction but it changed mid-way; that happens a lot when I am writing as my thought process is redirected.  So this is going to be a two part listening blog with this being Part #1.

I read a great article on listening in Psychology Today and pulled a section from it which is below.  

 Just because something has always been done in a certain way in the past doesn't mean there isn't an equally good or better way to do it.

Again, this change of attitude is not an easy feat to accomplish. Change is hard. There's a reason the saying, "Why fix something that isn't broken?" is so popular. In addition, doing something different adds an unknown risk to a venture.Yet, there also is risk to closing your mind to new ideas. If you always take the position that you know what's best, you will miss opportunities to discover something better. 

Taken from Psychology Today article, The Art and Value of Good Listening, Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D.,

After reading this section of the article, my direction changed for the blog.  This made me sit back and think about all things that people have done for years and years that are now done without thought.  Let's take training techniques as an example.  Many trainers (myself included) are called crossover trainers.  Trainers who started out using one type of training and after learning about another better way, they crossed over, never to return to the old ways.  This is all about listening.

I started training in the old conventional methods that were the only way available when I was 13 years of age.  Then in my twenties I discovered the positive reinforcement method and never looked back.  But there are trainers who will never evolve, grow or change.  Listening is not what they do.  They are stuck in their knowledge base, considering their way is the only and best way.  Sad.

I am not saying that people all have to agree, far from it.  I strongly believe in people standing up for what they believe in.  Integrity.  But never listening, really listening and looking at facts, pondering on information given and not being afraid to change or evolve, that is really listening.    

We could also use docking tails or cropping ears as well.  It has long been done and breeders continue to do it for no reason.  They do not want to listen to the new and better way; like the trainer stuck in his old outdated training methods the breeder will not evolve to what is better for our dogs.  And yes of course not chopping off body parts is better for our dogs and that is a fact.

Listening is far more than hearing words spoken to you.  Listening is about hearing and then pondering.  Once you have considered what you have heard, you can then chuck it or store it in the evolution file.  I hear a great deal of information that I consider and then chuck.  But I also hear a lot of great and important material that is stored in my evolution file. 

Funny how this blog started in one very certain direction but upon reading and listening to what the article said, it changed.  Next blog will be the original blog that I started to write this morning.  Stay tuned.  ;)

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”

I love this quote by Dalai Lama.  

Talking to dogs

Do you talk to your dogs?  I do, all the time.  All day long I talk to them and they listen very well; better than most humans I might add.  There are times when I just chat away knowing full well that they are only picking out a few specific words that mean something to them.  Then there are times when there is great meaning in my words.  When dogs understand a wide range of words or verbal cues, they tend to listen more.  I have always taught my dogs the meaning of many words and try to teach them new ones all the time. 

Over the years I have seen dogs that have a blank stare when they are talked to.  Nothing except the rare "cookie" or "walk" word means anything to them.  No one talks to them; at least not like they are expected to understand.  Repetition is the key to teaching new words.  I am in the process right now of teaching Elsa the names of her stuffed toys.  I say their name over and over and over again.  Why?  For the same reason that we teach children, it makes them smart and capable of learning more. 

Elsa has recently learned the joy of not destroying her stuffed animals.  For a while nothing was lasting more than a few fleeting moments.  Once Luke got a hold of the softy, made a hole and started to de-stuff; then Elsa would finish it off covering the entire living room in fluff.  Hmmmmmmm.  But after the arrival of Jeffrey, things changed, Elsa loves Jeffrey.  I have to make sure that Luke does not get a hold of them though and create the initial hole.  Elsa fully enjoys her stuffed guys now and is learning who is who. 

Along with teaching more words, switching the words up and using them in new ways helps the learning process.  Having been away from home for a while now; everything we are doing is new.  New, in that the environment is new.  We are still walking, sleeping and eating but the surrounding environment is entirely different from what they are use to.  Being able to communicate with Luke and Elsa with words that they understand really helps them to acclimate to it all very easily. 

We have a lot of steps here in OR which is a challenge with Luke.  Many times when I take them out to pee; it is easier to take one at a time.  So after taking Speedy Gonzalez Elsa out, it is Luke's turn.  I tell Elsa at the top of the stairs "just Luke," and her ears drop.  She clearly knows what that means.  She is not happy about it but waits patiently for us to return.   Once we get back into the house she gives Luke his greeting and all is good again. 

Elsa is an intense listener; Luke was also but his hearing is bad now and he misses a lot of what I say.  This is why signal communication is so important (past blog).  In his younger days, Luke was an amazing listener.  As you all know he is a fussy pants when it comes to eating.  But one word alone would get those giant ears of his up and interested.  That word is "butter,"  oh yes, he loves him some butter as does his Mom.  :)  He would turn his nose up at his meal until I said "do you want some butter on it?"  He would immediately change his tune "okay, I'll eat it if there is butter on it."  What a guy.

I am constantly searching for new words to teach Elsa.  It is all about repetition and association.  Association must be there for a dog to "get it."  That is our job; create the association that our dogs will understand.  The association must be meaningful and useful for a dog.  Elsa's favorite stuffed guy right now is Jeffrey, she adores him; although I started the naming with her pink monkey which was her favorite before Jeffrey arrived.  I would cheer each time she had her pink "monkey" in her mouth; repeating "monkey" over and over.  Before too long I could say "go find monkey" and she would. 

"Find" is another word that is very useful.  It is a word I used with Tilley all the time.  Being an intensely driven retriever; we often lost whatever it was she was retrieving.  She may have missed the throw or it landed somewhere that it shouldn't have.  I would tell her to "find" it and her whole body changed.  She would put her nose to the ground and begin the "finding" process.  Elsa has now learned what "find" means as well.  I love it.  The other day we were out doing some retrieving and she missed the throw because she was watching some dogs in the distance.  I told Luke to find the ball as he had been watching and he ran and got it; much to Elsa's displeasure.  She had begin to look for it as well but Luke already knew where it was when I asked.

Talking to your dogs is never a waste of time.  Not only is it nice as far as having a great listening companion but they learn.  Sometimes it may seem that they are not getting it; but if you watch closely you will see some signal letting you know that they understand.  Of course there are times when they will simply ignore; just like we tend to do.  I love those sideways eyes they give us that let you know they are actually listening.  Luke is the King of sideways eyes.  Talk, teach and use verbal cues; the more the merrier.